Tim Samoff // Weblog (old)

June 28, 2003

Summer finally begins...

Saturday. The day after the last day of Summer School. You’d think that I would be able to sleep-in or something. My body works on its own time. I don’t dislike getting up early, but sometimes, I yearn for the old days when I used to be able to sleep until eleven or twelve o’clock. Oh, for the days of my youth.

I don’t have much to add about my Summer School experience that I haven’t already said. My final impressions are all right too. I just wish I had a little more to do throughout the past month — staring at a computer screen and Blogging for 75% of one’s time doesn’t necessarily make the time pass very quickly. Two incidents (both contextually related, I guess) did make me feel good about myself, though.

One day, three girls were goofing off in the hall, not to far from where I was standing, when one of them quickly turned around and looked at me (as if she had been caught doing something wrong) and exclaimed, “Oh! I thought you were a teacher!” When I told her that I was, she replied, “Nuh uh, you’re a student. You look like a student!” Why, thank you!

On another occasion, I was filling up my water bottle at a drinking fountain. It was lunch time. During lunch, all of the students are either supposed to be in the cafeteria or in a classroom with a teacher present. A few teachers, during this time, act as hall monitors. So, I’m getting my water when I hear, in a stern, confrontational sort of voice, “Where are you supposed to be!” (This is a phrase that many teachers use when they want kids to know that they are serious about repremanding the student’s whereabouts.) When I thurned around, there was another teacher pointing at me. The instant he saw me, the teacher’s hand (and face) dropped, and he said, “Oh, you’re a teacher. Sorry.” Thanks again!

If anything, I guess Summer School made me feel young again. Not that I felt old, but for someone whos 31-years old, it’s always nice to be mistaken for being younger (it’s been too long since I’ve been “carded” at the grocery store!).

Summer School is over. I have a couple of weeks off to look for jobs. Then, we’re off to California. Now, all I have are my memories…?

Anyway, since I’m so “young,” today I’m going to do something completely age-appropriate and take my wife and brother-in-law to Oceans of Fun. Yay!

Informatio: Humor, Life, Milestones
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June 27, 2003

I know what you did last...night!

Last night, Julianna and I began our stay at the in-laws’ (Juli’s parents) house for the rest of the week and weekend.

It’s my mother-in-law’s birthday and for her present, her husband took her down to Branson. We’re staying at their house so that we can help out Juli’s brother, John, who has Down’s Syndrome. It’s always fun to stay with John. It is our chance to come up with fun things to do and see that are out of the norm with our “regular” lives — kind of like a mini-vacation. On Saturday, we are all going to Oceans of Fun. I’ve never been there and I am a little excited. Our first night there, though, gave us a little more to think about than we bargained for.

It’s was shortly after John went to bed when…

Continue Reading...

Informatio: Family, Family and Friends, Miscellany, Humor, and Reality, Stories and Essays
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A MUST read from the Real Live Preacher...

This story made my day: “James, John & Crazy Joe.” Go there and make your day too.

For more amazing stories like this one (RLPDV-Real Live Preacher Dramatized Version), go here.

Informatio: Linkage, Stories and Essays, Faith
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June 26, 2003

Gospel Train...

I was listening to Waterdeep‘s song, “Gospel Train,” this morning and marveling at how good of an analogy for modern Christianity it is. In the past, this country relied on the train — they say that the train built this country! The train (i.e., Jesus, our faith) was communal passage (i.e., fellowship of believers) from one place to another (i.e., the world), usually for very long trips (i.e., life). Then, the automobile was invented. Not everybody could afford a car, but they could start taking the bus. Although, the bus was still communal and used mostly for long trips, it could be used for shorter trips as well (making it easier to become “disconnected” and less reliant). Then, the time came when we all started owning cars. We drive cars alone (no fellowship) and they are useable for trips of any distance (making us completely unreliant).

So, why did we move away from trains anyway? Did we want to be alone? Were we so ready to embrace new and increasingly convenient modes of travel? Did we hate the fact that we had to rely on another’s (God’s) schedule?

The answer to all of these questions, of course, is “yes.”

Waterdeep, through their song, is saying that the train is on its way back, but beware…

That gospel train is a’ comin’ Comin’ right down the track And when that train leaves the station I can tell you right now it’s never comin’ back

Informatio: Commentary and Opinion, Faith, Music
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Résuméd...

I redesigned my résumé last night. I wanted to make one that was a little more “corporate” so that I could send it to some of the “stiffer”-type companies. My goal was to create an even mix of orthodoxy/visionary. I don’t know if I’m convinced about this yet, but it turned out sort of cool. It’s not completely proofed yet, either, but I thought I’d upload it here just for the heck of it.

This time, I used Adobe Illustrator. In the past, I’ve used almost everything else: QuarkXpress, Microsoft Word, Adobe InDesign — my previous résumé was done in Macromedia Freehand. I don’t know why I’ve switched-off so much except for the fact that it’s a good way to keep everything fresh in my mind.

Anyway, enjoy.

Informatio: Design, Life
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The men from the boys...

This morning was cooler than usual. I guess the rain will do that. I was sore from Yoga the other night. I really didn’t want to be up that early. Still, I headed out for my “walk in the park.” While I was there, I started thinking about those of us who were dedicated to being at the park every other day (in my case) or every day (for others). I don’t actually know any of these people I’m out exercising with. In fact, none of us ever really acknowledge each others’ presence. But we are there together rounding the park in varied-paced cycles. There’s Tall Man (or Stride), the Stretcher, Old Black, Baldy, Woman & Dog, the Speedy Duo, and Grams. I have given them all names that could possibly belong to superheroes, because that’s what they are to me. I’ve used the cliché above rather loosely, of course, but these people — men and women — who I see at the park every week are definitely separated. Keep up the good work people… This city needs you.

Informatio: Commentary and Opinion, Life
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June 25, 2003

Faith through...Google?!

Is it possible for a search engine to have faith? Check out Googlism‘s search results for Jesus Christ. The results for my name weren’t as plentiful as they were for Jesus’s. They were also a bit outdated. Still, my results were better than what came up for my granfather — at least I’m not just a number, Grandpa!

I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that Googlism is the epitome of Postmodernism (click the links in this senstence to find out what Googlism thinks about that!).

Informatio: Linkage, Theory and Philosophy, Faith
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June 24, 2003

Male Pattern Badness...

Wouldn’t that have made a great name for someone’s Blog…or a band’s new CD…or a self-help book? Bad!

Check out my RSS Feed at WhyBlog.org. Now that’s Postmodern… Real bad!

Stefan Gruber, a friend of mine from art school, is always putting out great stuff. Check out his latest collaboration and his website. Artsy badness.

Of course, I haven’t put anything new out in years. Too bad.

On the way to work this morning, for a little over a mile, I was stuck behind a big rig that was transporting chickens. It stunk…BAD.

Then, they played Great Big Sea on KKFI. Ultimate Newfoundlandish badness!

Informatio: Art, Blogging, Humor, Linkage
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June 23, 2003

Five more days...

I just had one of those intense moments of déjà vu…

One student asks me a question. Another passes by in the hall. It’s cold; too cold. My eyes burn a little. I’m wishing that I was outside. Another student asks me a question. Then I’m sitting. The alarm that indicates that a door has been opened is going off. I’m thinking about having a diferent job; about being outside.

Then I realize that everyday for the last three weeks has been a slight variant on this exact diatribe.

I realize that it’s a good thing that this is only a month long.

Informatio: Life
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Master's Community Summer Musicfest...

Yesterday evening, Julianna and I went to my brother’s old church (in KCK) to see their annual Summer Musicfest. It’s a fun night that begins with dinner and ends with a praise and worship concert, put on by many of the members in the church.

This time was a little different, though. After dinner, we saw a presentation by a guy and his family who have lived as missionaries and Bible translators in Bosnia for the last eight years. It was incredible. The ethnic segregation that still pervades that part of the world is astonishing — it’s refreshing to see how God is working there and how a Croat (Catholic), a Serb (Orthodox), and a Muslim can find Christ and worship together in the same church. The post-war effects (ammunition shells in the backyard, active mines in playgrounds, etc.) are still very noticeable in Bosnia, but it seems like the people there are taking it in stride. God is gracious to provide believers with an opening into a part of the world that needs them, where there are open arms and little persecution.

After the presentation, the evening returned to music and the concert commenced. Plenty of praise and worship was performed by all, including a beautiful medley performed on a Pedal Harp, and a piece called “Air,” wiritten by a man with Lou Gehrig’s Disease, on classical guitar.

Following the concert, it was time to say goodbye to my brother and his family yet again. They’re off to Boulder, Colorado for a week to see friends and visit some supporting organizations. May the Big Man protect them.

Informatio: Life, Music, Faith
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June 22, 2003

Shakespeare Tango...

Last night, my wife and I attended Kansas City’s annual Shakspeare in the Park. The production was Hamlet — strikingly close to the original, which is somewhat unusual for a Shakspeare in the Park performance. This was our third year in a row. The first year we went, we took a blanket and some bottled water, thinking that most of the people would just be there to watch the play. Were we wrong! The majority of the people that go to Shakespeare in the Park could almost care less about the play — they’re there for the picnic! Needless to say, in the following years, Julianna and I have fallen in with the crowd. It’s not that we dislike the plays — we absolutely love them — but the chance to get outside, eat good food, and look at all of the people is invaluable to us.

This year was no different. It’s amazing to see the culinary spreads that people bring to Shakespeare in the Park. To our right, one couple had a bottle of Merlot, shrimp cocktail, and some sort of tortilla wraps. To our left, the couple had brought all of the fixings to make burritos right there — they even had little chicken chunks on wooden skewers! Behind us, they were eating croissants and fruit and drinking German beer. Well, Julianna and I were not to be outdone. We had loaded up our ice chest (complete with wheels so that we could roll it on our walk from our home to the park) with champagne, strawberries, cherries, an assortment of crackers, spinach-artichoke-cheese spread, and mint Milano cookies. We were definitely prepared for our gourmet feast on the grass.

Another great thing about Shakespeare in the Park is the people watching. The palette of humanity that attends is quite remarkable: from the bourgeoisie of mid-town to the proletariat of Raytown. While sitting and waiting for the play to begin, I noticed that the music being played through the P.A. system was a sort of Mediterranean Tango. It ended up being the perfect aural backdrop for the variety of people who passed in front of us on their way to their seats. There was a guy with a ZZ Top-like beard, a bunch of 20-something hippies, and an old man who had probably just come over from working on his farm. One guy, sitting atop the rock wall, looked as if he was drawing out every scene of the play in a sketchbook. In front of us, drinking Chardonnay, was a group of four 50-ish men and women who looked like they had been coming to Shakespeare in the Park for its entirety of eleven years — very well-prepared for their evening out. The people to our left (who were eating homemade burritos) were sitting on a foldout love seat. Julianna was convinced that they were health freaks because of the way that the woman had prepared all of their food.

It was a fun night in the park. I’d suggest it to anyone who asks. Take a blanket, some comfy chairs (or pillows as one group had done), and some good food. Get some culture and some fresh air right in the middle of our fair city.

Informatio: Culture, Life, Theatre
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June 21, 2003

Oh my my...

Good ol’ Iron Mike has done it again. I just don’t know what to say.

This is kind of funny, though:

“The former heavyweight champion was treated for minor cuts to his hands after the two men apparently retrieved some type of pole from the hotel lobby and used it against him, police said. They had no further information on the pole (06/21/03 14:15 EDT, The Associated Press).”

That “pole” wasn’t someone of Polish decent was it?

Informatio: Humor, Linkage
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June 20, 2003

Summer School revisited...

It came to my attention yesterday that I haven’t written very much about my Summer School experience ( aside from my initial entry called “Students & Computers” and the one about “Cognitive Inconsistency” ). I think the main reason is that nothing much has really happened. The students have been working away on their computers. I’ve had to stop blogging (?!) every few minutes to help them out — and, yes, I’m gaining even more useless knowledge (e.g., gene mapping and diploid organisms, advanced geometric equations, complex sentences with averbial clauses, etc.). But, nothing too dramatic has happened — we have had to expell a few of our kids from Ozanam for being involved in fights or threatening other students and staff and such, but that’s pretty standard fare during the regular school year. These “regular” kids are just too easy.

A bunch of students have already completed their classes. We give them four weeks worth of three-and-a-half hour classes; some of them finished in two and three weeks. A couple of weeks ago, I started staying at school until 5:20pm to allow a bunch of kids who are “not allowed to be in the general school population” to have a chance to complete their courses. A few of these kids were able to take all of the tests, without viewing the lessons and finish their courses in a couple of days. Amazing.

Needless to say, there has not been a lot of material for me to write on about this experience. I thank God that He’s given me this job (and the time that I’ve had to do a bunch of my own stuff while here). After today, there are just 5 more days to go.

Informatio: Life
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June 19, 2003

Familial past (life post-cult)...

I find it hard to believe that after so many years of being on the Internet, I have never done a web-search on the Local Church — a cult that my family (and my wife‘s family) once belonged to. I don’t think that I ever had reservations about doing a search on the subject, but I guess that it just never crossed my mind. Anyway, last night Julianna and I were hanging out with our Impact Group and we recounted a little bit of our upbringing in the Local Church. While doing so, my interests of doing a web-search were spurred. (The picture to the left is of my family, shortly before leaving the Local Church.)

Of course, there are many sites that promote this cult (if you’d like to read a shocking piece about how the Local Church has been able to “take over” various sectors of Internet media, click here — look for the red letters that read “Consumer Alert” ), but they are easy to sift through. After I modified my search string, I was on the right track (curiously, I couldn’t find any pictures of Local Church members — only of Witness Lee and Watchman Nee).

One link I found, at the Cult Awareness & Information Centre (sorry the links no longer worked, TS 12/17/04), in Australia, seemed like it would have been a pretty good resource, but most of the content about the Local Church was removed due to “copyright issues.” Still, it is a pretty good resource for information on cults in general and they say that they are writing some new, original information about the Local Church.

Then, I found the “Local Church” Information Site. The first page says this:

Based in Anaheim, California and founded by the late Chinese-American preacher Witness Lee (pictured), the “Local Church” movement has for the past thirty years been spreading a unique variant of Christianity across the globe. Its beliefs and practices are considered by many to be aberrant and cultic; however, despite some negative publicity, the movement continues to grow, especially on United States college campuses.

The purpose for this site is to provide a free Internet-based library of information and research materials on the “Local Church” of Witness Lee, along with personal testimonies, essays, and web links.

To me, this introduction almost makes it sound like the website is pro-Local Church (or, at least, neutral), but in actuality, it turns out to be another cult-awareness site. There are a number of resources available here, most noteably some essays and stories that literally give me the chills. Mike Muno wrote one account (somewhat poorly edited), that is a devastating tale of how the Local Church forced him to stop believing in God altogether. In aother story, Daniel Azuma writes about how he found the Local Church, how he left it, and how he recovered to remain a solid believer. While my family was a part of this cult at a much earlier time, we still went through a lot of the things described in these stories.

There is too much for me to go into on this subject. Our families have not been a part of the Local Church since around 1979, but I guess I still have a lot of emotion wrapped up in it (it’s one thing to say that you were in a cult and completely another to find out that almost every web-reference that you find says that it is a cult!). I may post some more after I finish reading (and thinking on) the stories from the aforementioned website. (If you’re interested, visit Watchman.org, a website dealing specifically with cults and cult awareness.)

As a final note: DO NOT buy any publications from Living Stream Ministry. They are a publishing company started by Witness Lee in order to publish books for and by the Local Church.

Update: I’ts March 29, 2005 and there seems to be some renewed interest about these issues on the web. Check out the following two Wikipedia links for more information:

• Local Church History
• Local Church Controversy

Informatio: Commentary and Opinion, Faith, Life
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Question ~ Blogiquette?

So, I was wondering… Is it proper Blog etiquette to backblog a new(ish) Weblog? What I mean by this is that I used to Blog — a long time ago, before there was such thing as “Blogging.” The few of us who did it called still called it “journaling.” We made postings on our own sites. When we did do a new post, we had to create a new webpage (not very difficult, but a bit more time consuming than updating with Blogger or MoveableType). Anyway, I was wondering about what people thought of adding all of the old “Blog content,” with the same dates and time-stamps, to a new Blog (the effect being that one could annul any of the older, non-read Blogs).

I guess this question is one of many. People frown on deleting items from previous Blog entries, instead opting for the strikethrough. going with a more traditional, proofreader’s standard. It is likely that it is wrong to go back and “retitle” older posts (i.e., if someone decides that they like the sound of “Movies of the Month” as a title for their posts better than “Movie Favorites,” as they’ve used for the past two years, they should not go back and retitle all of their older posts, but rather write a new post, indicating the revision, and just go on from there). I’m also sure it is a sore subject if someone were to replace pictures within previous posts (I admit to this wrongdoing on a couple of occasions). The list goes on and on.

But, backblogging? What do you think?

Informatio: Blogging
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Lights out...

Have you ever had one of those moments where everything seemed like it was just a little ahead of you? This morning, when I was out for my morning exercise, I felt this way. I mean, it’s 5am. I’m usually one of only three or four people out on the track (not counting the homeless regulars) and customarily, a few cars and a bus that pass me. It’s pretty dead; serene. This morning, though, as I walked down my street, a number of people were leaving their houses and apartments, cars were buzzing by me, there were two or three busses that were already delivering people to their stops, eight or nine other people were walking and jogging around the track… Did my clock get set incorrectly? Was I an hour late? It was still dark. My watch gave me the correct time. What was going on? I even saw more bunnies scurrying around than usual — two were chasing each other in what looked like a springtime mating ritual.

I don’t know what it all meant, but I still had a good walk.

One thing that happened to me this morning was nothing out of the ordinary. You see, I have this penchant for being by a street lamp at the exact moment it turns off. (I’m not going to say that something about me magically makes them turn off, but you can make your own judgements.) This morning was no different. When I got to the park, the first lamp that I walked by went out. None of the others did, just that one. It happens to Julianna once in a while too, but it seems like I have the most frequent occurrences (she says that we have so much light inside of us that the street lamps can’t bear to stay on). Ok, my memory is terrible (and slightly romanticized)... Julianna corrected me and said that her theory is that we don’t have enough light in us so God gives us some when we walk by the street lamps (TS, 06/20/03).

It happens when I’m driving. It happens when I’m walking. I would say that every time street lamps are on, if I pass by, one of them is likely to turn off. One time, in the dead of night, three or four lights turned off as I drove down the street. It’s creepy, I know, but I have learned to live with this phenomenon.

Informatio: Miscellany, Humor, and Reality
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June 18, 2003

Monthly paradigm shift...

This evening, I heard a song on the radio called “The District Sleeps Alone Tonight” by a band (two guys) called, The Postal Service (see Death Cab for Cutie for one of the member’s previous works), that completely made me reevaluate where I am in music. This doesn’t happen often — I’m usually fairly comfortable with my musical abilities. The song floored me and made me feel like I was back on square one — like I didn’t know a thing about music at all. Wow. I don’t know how the rest of their music sounds, but I sure am curious (Rolling Stone’s review of their new album).

Informatio: Life, Linkage, Music
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To live a lifestyle that supports...

Yesterday, I mentioned that my wife and I were going to start taking Yoga at church. Well, we did, and it was amazing! I can even honestly say that I was the best guy in the class (ok, I was the only guy, but let’s not get into that). I can really see myself doing Yoga a few times a week — actually, Julianna mentioned canceling our gym membership and starting up a full-time Yoga class somewhere. I’ll keep you posted for sure.

Another thing that started back up this morning was Morning Prayer (now called “First Liturgical Hour of Prayer” or Matins). We’ve been on break for a couple of weeks, but since Troy is teaching a class on spiritual disciplines for our church’s Summer Community Forums, he thought it’d be a good idea to tie it into the morning prayer time.

This morning, we read Luke 20:27-40. It continues a story about a group of Jews (Sadducees) who are questioning Jesus and trying to catch Him blaspheming and speaking untruths. At the end of the passage, though, they are satisfied with Jesus’ answers: Then some of the scribes answered and said, “Teacher, You have spoken well.” But after that they dared not question Him anymore. Isn’t it amazing how Jesus satisfies even the toughest of skeptics?

My invitation today was was to stop questioning God about His attributes (i.e., His power, His grace, His wisdom, His sovereignty, etc.). Sometimes it is so easy to doubt all of the good things that God provides. But, isn’t it great to be able to surrender all and just stop asking questions? How very peaceful.

My invitation also reminded me of our church service on Sunday. One of the things that Tim K mentioned was that many of us are working to support our lifestyles, but not living lifestyles that support our work (i.e., we work hard, all of the time just to buy things and do things that we consider “ours” when we should probably be living more in a way that allows us to rest more and work less — not to be lazy, just not to work so much).

Being that I am currently looking for a new job, but also taking into account the things that I talked about above (Yoga and Matins), this really strikes a chord with me. I’ve always been bummed that I have to leave Morning Prayer at 7am to make it to work on time. When I have days off and I am able to stay until it ends at 7:45, I always leave feeling so much more fulfilled. So, what am I supposed to look for in a new job? Qualities that allow me to provide for myself financially in a more substancial way or qualities that allow me to live the lifestyle I want to live? (Like being able to take part in the duration of Matins before work.) Should I apt for more money or more time?

Of course, there are a plethora of other factors that play into these questions, but the bottom line still seems to be whether I want to work to support my lifestyle or live a lifestyle that supports my work. (I’d love to live the “lifestyle that supports,” but I may have to settle for something that’s a little bit in between.)

And what about questioning God? I am praying that I can do it less. I am praying that when I do find the job that God wants me to have, I don’t question His grace or His wisdom. He knows the job that I need for my lifestyle to flourish. I will trust Him and “dare not question Him anymore.”

Informatio: Theory and Philosophy, Faith
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June 17, 2003

Meditate on this...

Summer Community Forum begins at church tonight. There are a number of classes to take like art, spiritual disciplines, video editing, etc., and my wife and I have decided to take yoga.

Now, my brother and I took karate for many years (I quit after receiving my 5th Degree Green Belt and my brother is a 1st Degree Black Belt). This being said, I used to be able to stretch with the best of ‘em. These days… Let’s just say that I’m not the most flexible person on the face of the Earth. Julianna is very flexible and I’m sure she’ll fit right in. Still, I’m expecting to have a good time — I think I may be the only male in the class, but maybe some other guys will step-up for the cause of brotherhood.

Yoga is an interesting form of exercise, because over time, it has evolved from being solely centered on its roots in Hinduism and has become (to the general public) more purely a physical activity. Yoga still retains a fair amount of meditation, though, and there are some Christians who have different opinions of what “meditation” should look like. In Yoga, meditation seems to be more concerned with emptiness — psychologically and physically becoming “removed” from the “real” world. To some Christians, on the other hand, meditation should be based solely in the Word. In scriptural meditation, one should ponder on scripture, allowing the words (and the Spirit) to permiate their senses, allowing them to reach further into what God may be telling them.

Personally, I see value in both forms of meditation. While gaining more experience with Morning Prayer, I have found that silent meditation — meditation where I simply close my eyes, clear my head, and try to listen to my surroundings — has given me invaluable insight into some of the things that I know God would like me to know. It’s not that I am forgoing scriptural meditation, rather I am, at times, choosing not to directly meditate on what I have been reading or praying about. This silent meditation creates a transcendent experience that I feel has undoubtedly brought me closer to God.

Sure, meditation on false religions and false hopes can only deliver emptiness. But, I’m not convinced that “empty” meditation is all that bad. If one is rooted in the Word and honestly seeking the true God, then how could anything that they do (shopping, fishing, talking, meditating, etc.) be empty? I am looking forward to this new experience that my wife and I are beginning tonight and I pray that it will be yet another way that I can become closer to my Savior.

Informatio: Life, Theory and Philosophy, Faith
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The value of good advertising...

If you’ve driven east on Blue Parkway in the last few months, you know that it is closed where it turns into 350 Highway. Well, there’s a road sign in this area that warns drivers of the closed road and impending detour. A couple of weeks ago, though, I noticed that they had added a new “screen” to the flashing sign: “Dog Food Store Open.”

Is this sign a paid promotion by a smart store owner or just a civil service by the state of Missouri? Maybe this dog food store is so important to the community that it had to be advertised lest hundreds of dogs in this region would die of starvation because their owners were blocked from getting to the store.

Thank God for signs (no pun intended).

If you’d like to read an essay I wrote, in 1999, expressing my opinion of commercial signage, read on…

Continue Reading...

Informatio: Life, Theory and Philosophy, Commentary and Opinion, Stories and Essays
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June 16, 2003

Rant ~ High-speed internet and the demise of graphics optimization...

The situation. I am still using a 56kbps dial-up internet connection. Not all of the time, mind you. At work, I am cruising with a T1 connection. At home, though…slow. Before I moved out here, I did have a cable modem, but they’re just too expensive; hardly justifiable when I’m not really doing any freelance work anymore. But, I digress.

Continue Reading...

Informatio: Design, Linkage, Rants, Commentary and Opinion, Computing
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June 14, 2003

The rewards of service...

Last night most of my Impact Group (my wife and I included) had the chance to go help out at the Kansas City Rescue Mission (a shelter and Christian mission for homeless people). There are plenty of things to volunteer for there, but last night, we were all in charge of taking and filling clothing orders (two guys were downstairs taking the orders and the rest of us were upstairs, scurrying around a clothing warehouse trying to fill them). What a great experience! I was surprised at how well-run and efficient this mission is. They can bed up to 100 men per night, they pass out an average of 800-1000 pieces of clothing a month, and last year, they cooked around 36,000 meals. This isn’t a huge place eaither. It’s run by only a few full-time staff and a handful of voluteers. The mission also has a fairly successful drug rehabilitation program. Thank you, Lord, for this place!

This morning, my wife and I (with a bunch of her coworkers from TMC) are walking in the American Heart Walk. It’s 4 miles long and goes through and around the Country Club Plaza here in Kansas City. Our team raised almost $500. It’s far under the top-ranking fund raiser this year, but we’re excited to walk for the cause anyway. Our walk starts in about an hour — Julianna and I are lucky enough to just be able to walk down to Mill Creek Park (where the walk begins) from our home, avoiding all sorts of headaches because of parking, etc. There should be a lot of fun booths set up at the park and we also heard that Jarrod (of Subway fame) will be there too. It should be a fun day. (After the walk, we are planning to walk down the block and stop by Starbucks to visit our favorite Barista.)

Anyway, I am feeling pretty good about this weekend so far. Not about myself, for doing these “nice” things, but because service (in all of its shapes and forms) just makes one feel good. I thank my God for giving these opportunities to me. By serving, one is not only fullfilling the Lord’s promise of providing for others, but also His promise of providing for the person who is serving. Ahhh, abundant life!

Informatio: Introspection, Life, Faith
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June 13, 2003

Rude awakening...

Ok, so this happened the night before last, but somehow, I forgot about it — or rather, blocked it from my memory.

11:30pm. Sound asleep. Suddeny, I feel something in my hair. Awake. Check hair. Nothing. I lay my head back down and…something is in my ear! I reach up to feel my ear and something hard is it. Then…POP! What the…? Whatever it was, it was LOUD!

I sit up and ask, “What’s going on?” (I have an assumption, but it seems too farfetched.) At this my wife has been awakened out of her peaceful slumber. She asks what the problem is and I tell her that something was in my ear. (Of course, coming out of a deep sleep is confusing enough without having to decipher a mad-man’s delusional ravings in the middle of the night.) I feel my ear again. Nothing. Huh? I get up and turn the light on and check the bed. Still nothing!

Frustrated, I go to the bathroom to check my ear in the mirror. On my way, though, I see something that turns my prior assumptions into reality. There in front of me, mounted on the door frame of the bathroom door, is a Click Beetle! (It’s funny how my half-sleeping brain devised a solution to the problem — even if it was fantastic or…disgusting.) I killed it. I had no inclination of being humane (beetlane?) at this time.

I thought twice about telling my wife what it really was. I didn’t think she would appreciate hearing that bugs were crawling on us while we slept. But she kept asking and I gave in. Still, we got back to sleep just fine. And my ear is fine too. What a night.

Informatio: Miscellany, Humor, and Reality
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June 11, 2003

This is dumb...

Did any of you hear about this “study”/website on 96.5 The Buzz this morning? If you didn’t, you’re better off. I don’t even think it’s worth mentioning except that it made me so annoyed that I feel like I have to write about it before I can stop thinking about it.

Outofservice.com was created by some people (the guy being interviewed on the radio called himself a doctor, but then confessed saying that he still had a year of school left) who thought that they could assign personalities to people based on the type of music that they listen to. He called their study “empirical,” but the majority of the study was done by an online survey. (Let me know if you know how to “observe” different people’s experiences of listening to a certain type of music while they’re taking an online survey.)

Ok, fine. Take the survey. Have fun. Check out my results. I’m still mad about it.

Informatio: Linkage, Rants, Computing
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June 10, 2003

Nothing can change the shape of things to come...

I got an e-mail this morning from my favorite anti-consumerism infosource, Adbusters.org. It’s about a new campaign that they’re starting called “Unbrand America.” Of course, the people at Adbusters.org are idealists. The things they strive for, while thought-provoking and highly admirable, will never come to pass. At this point in time, America — and most of the rest of the world — are just too engulfed in its corporate takeover to ever be swayed by a few radicals.

Case in point: the beginning of the Unbrand America intro on their website shows the exact running shoe that I own, the Nike “Air Kukini,” blocked out by a black spot (the black spot is the theme of this new campaign). Now, I love the fact that a bunch of people are out there trying to “unbrand” America, but I also love my shoes. I admit it: I have been branded.

So, this morning at 5am, as I was out at J.C. Nichols Park, walking and jogging around the path in my Air Kukinis, I was listening to the Ramones Acid Eaters album. I love this album. All of the songs are covers and the Ramones, with true reverence, pull them off in style — sometimes better than the originals. Midway through my morning exercise, the song “The Shape of Things To Come,” by Max Frost and the Troopers, came on…

There’s a new sun
Risin’ up angry in the sky
And there’s a new voice
Sayin’ “we’re not afraid to die”
Let the old world make believe
It’s blind and deaf and dumb
But nothing can change the shape of things
To come

Actually, this song was performed by Wild in the Streets (1968 – read about the movie), and some soundtrack musicians. Still, it is a protest song, written by the youth of the day pushing their romantic wishes for world that was more about love and peace and drugs than their fathers and mothers had created. But, after listening to “The Shape of Things To Come” in the park this morning, I couldn’t help but think that the perveyors of this message may have been sorely wrong. Maybe, instead of singing the song to their parents, they were actually singing to themselves: “We can try our best to change this place, but nothing is ever really going to change.” Maybe their ideals were more like the “old world” than they ever thought.

There are new dreams
Crowdin’ out old realities
There’s revolution
Sweepin’ in like a fresh new breeze
Let the old world make believe
It’s blind and deaf and dumb
(But) nothing can change the shape of things
To come

What, then, can this “Unbrand America” campaign accomplish? Probably nothing, black spot or not, but it will be a valiant try.

On a separate, but related note, here is an interesting interview. In it, Richard Falk, a visiting professor at UCSB claims that western world politics are becoming more and more like fascism. Very compelling. (Now I’m starting to sound like Tim K!)

Informatio: Blogging, Commentary and Opinion, Culture, Linkage, Music, Theory and Philosophy, Film
Posted at 11:33 am | Permalink | Trackback | Comments (4)

June 09, 2003

Breaching the membrane...

I’ve breached the membrane. I’ve crossed over from the overture of “adulthood” into the proem of my “middle-age.” Today, I am 31 years old. What does this mean? What is in store? Only God knows.

Age has never really affected me — well, getting older hasn’t anyway. Actually, I’ve welcomed getting older almost every year. This year is no different, although I may be seeing “age“ in a different light these days. My concept is probably not very original, but I had never thought about age like it before. I came up with this concept back in April (excuse the rudimentary diagram, but it gets the point across), when my friend Bill made the veritable shift from 30 to 31 years old.

It is simple. There are several “periods“ in life. Every period can be represented as a “bubble.” These bubbles are relational to eacher (i.e., the actions and reactions within each bubble rely on the actions and reactions within each opposite and/or corresponding bubble) and their size (duration) depends solely on each individual person and the choices that he or she makes within their current bubble. Separating every two bubbles is a barrier or “membrane.” Certain “anniversaries“ mark these membranes and, though each membrane may occur at different times in a specific person’s life as stated above, there are certain cultural standards as to where the membranes are most likely to occur. In this case, the cultural membrane in question occurs when someone changes from age 30 to 31.

I am now on my way into “blue: phase 2.” A new time of life, where I am supposed to finally come into “knowing“ with myself; where I am supposed to be comfortable and constant. I welcome this new era, but sometimes, I miss the old, popped bubbles of my past.

Nevertheless, here’s to middle-age!

Informatio: Culture, Life, Milestones, Theory and Philosophy
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June 07, 2003

Saturday mourning...

Death is always unexpected. Even when you know someone is near death, the final breath is unexpected. When someone is far from what should be their last minutes on Earth, death is so unexpected that it is almost unbearable.

Last night, I heard that Alex, the son of my parents’ neighbors had died. He was around 23 years old. It was drug-related, but I don’t yet know the whole story.

When my family moved into our house in 1987, Alex was only about 6 years old. He was a firey red-head who wanted to take part in every michevious thing that my brother and I (6-8 years older than him) and our friends did around the neighborhood. More than once, Alex starred in the low-tech video productions my brother and I filmed. As he got older, Alex fell in with the wrong crowd and became a little further from us, friend-wise, but he never lost the respect he had for us in helping him to grow up and letting him take part in our lives.

In July, Julianna and I are going back to California for our summer vacation. Alex was one of the people who I had hoped we would see. It’s sad that we won’t.

I have been friends with a number of people who have died before their time. It is a strange thing to have to go through. You know someone, let them in on your life, and expect them to be there at least as long as you are. When it doesn’t happen, it is difficult to process. I grieve for Alex’s family, who will miss him forever. I grieve for my family, who thought of him as a surrogate son and brother.

Now, I regretfully get to add Alex’s name to those of my friends who lived lives that were much too short.

My brother wrote this prayer and e-mailed it to my family and me today:

Prayer In Loss

O Lord God,
You are merciful, wise, and just in all that you do.
      when You give
      when You take away
      in abundance and in loss
Though I may not see or comprehend, all Your works are filled with mercy,
      for You are merciful, wise, and just.

When the harmful actions of others wrench my soul
   help me to trust in Your justice – when You settle all accouts and right all wrongs.

When the storms of misfortune assail my mind
   help me to trust in Your wisdom – You know what results it will bring.

When the sorrow of loss overwhelms my heart
   help me to trust in Your kind mercy – as You gently allow it to happen for reasons I
      cannot know.

You Yourself knew injustice when Your Son Jesus was killed.
You Yourself knew misfortune when He was nailed to a cross.
You Yourself knew loss when He was buried in a grave.

But You, O Lord were just in making His death be a payment for sin,
You were wise in sending Your Son to be the only acceptable sacrifice,
and You were merciful in raising Him from the dead
   to give us forgiveness and new life.

---

Informatio: Life, Milestones, Faith
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June 06, 2003

I dreamt of murder...

Dreams are strange. In my case, I dream storylines. Usually, they’re very cohesive and have a beginning and an end. I know this is different. Most of the time, when I remember them, I like my dreams.

Last night was different, though. Last night, I dreamt that I murdered someone. It wasn’t that the murder was all that wrong — I killed a nazi soldier who was trying to stop my wife and me from escaping Germany. It was the act of killing that disturbed me; that felt so real.

I don’t know why dreams make us “feel,” and I probably never will, but I sure wish that they didn’t sometimes. And, I don’t know why I would dream of something like murder — it’s not like I’m thinking about it during my “awake” time. Dreams are an enigma. Some say they allow us to subconsciously process the things that we think and feel during the previous day. Some say that dreams are windows to what’s to come in our lives. Some say that dreams are a link to the spiritual world.

Dreams have been an integral part of many great men’s lives. But can we still, in this modern age, glean something meaningful from our dreams? One online dream interpretation dictionary loosely says that by killing someone, I may be trying to quit an old habit or that maybe I’m attempting to throw away something meaningful in my life. On the other hand, it could mean that I have some pent up hostility towards someone.

I don’t really think there is an interpretation. What I do know is that I didn’t like dreaming that I murdered someone. It’s not necessarily that I mind the subject matter, I just don’t like how it made me feel.

Informatio: Life, Theory and Philosophy
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No, finger nail biting hurts more...

As I was trying to find links to “finger nail health” for my previous post, I came across an interesting study that stated that, due to the lead content in the locale, children in Russia, who bite their finger nails, have a much higher risk of lead poisoning. “This is because lead can gather under their nails simply by playing in dusty conditions, both indoors and outdoors” (BBC News). Because lead has been known to cause developmental problems in children and also damage their nervous system, they are saying that it is contributing to a generation of children who have a lower IQ.

After reading this article, I had a question: what about the North American inner-city? It is well-known that there is still a very high lead-content in our own inner-cities. And with the amount of turmoil that goes on in these inner city areas, there are bound to be a few nail-biters. This, to me, is a heavy double-edged sword. While gunshots are firing, liquor stores are being robbed, and abuse is occurring in the home, kids (and adults) are nervous, biting their nails, and ingesting large amounts of lead. Lead poisoning, in turn, is creating a class of people who are prone to acting-out and causing strife in their own neighborhoods. Therefore, we have an innumerable amount of people who are essentially being bred for violence.

So, what’s the solution? Nothing that I can see. I am Russian. I bit my finger nails as a child. I still do, in fact. But, now it is not only bad for me. It is bad for society. That really does hurt.

Informatio: Culture, Linkage, Theory and Philosophy
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June 05, 2003

Fingers hurt...

You know what hurts? Getting a cut on your finger. Ouch.

Last night, I opened my freezer and heard the tinkling sound of little pieces of glass hitting a surface somewhere. On closer examination, I found that one of my frosty mugs had broken and some of the little pieces had fallen from the shelf into the freezer. I cleaned them up. I was careful (I thought). Later on, though, my left index finger was hurting a little, but I couldn’t figure out why. There was no visible wound. Honestly, I thought that I had probably bitten the finger nail too low.

This morning I can see the problem. While cleaning up the broken glass, a little sliver had made a paper thin incision in the tip of my finger. It hurts! I guess I had better be a little more careful next time.

Informatio: Miscellany, Humor, and Reality
Posted at 09:39 am | Permalink | Trackback | Make Comment

June 03, 2003

Cognitive Inconsistency...

I can now convert millimeters to inches, calculate the pitch of the thread on a screw, determine when the moon rises and sets based on whether it is waning or waxing or in the last quarter, and read the measurements on a thimble scale, a barrel scale, and the vernier scale ( see “calipers“ ). Wow. These are all little tidbits of knowledge that my brain really wasn’t thirsting for. But, through the miracle of multi-subjected Summer School I get to learn all of it! I wonder how many of my brain cells are occupied by useless units of information. And, does a brain develop an increasingly difficult time at organizing and ordering these useless units the more it soaks them up? Take calipers, for instance. When am I ever going to need to know how to measure with calipers. But, I know how if I need to. I hope that my brain functions will remain consistent in their usual duties without calipers getting in the way.

I found a book on the bookshelf in the classroom I am teaching in: Theories of Cognitive Consistency: A Sourcebook, Robert P. Ableson, et al. It was published in 1968 by Rand McNally & Co. In some ways, the book really interests me. If I had the time, I might even sit down and try to trudge through it. Surely, many of the concepts laid forth in Cognitive Consistency are sorely outdated. The language is undeniably dry and mundane. But, would it be just another useless unit to add to my already inconsistent cognition?

Something tells me that “cognitive consistency“ is an idea that, no matter how thinly veiled, has crossed every mind. And it’s still a subject that eludes most of us; most definitely the insane. Is “cognitive consistency” a subject that needs further investigation, though? According to Robert P. Ableson, et al, it does.

I wonder if God gave us an inherent cognitive inconsistency. Maybe, instead of trying to force ourselves to be more consistent we should value our inconsistency a little more.

Informatio: Faith, Introspection, Life, Theory and Philosophy
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Students & Computers...

Summer School is upon us! I am so glad… It’s day #2 and things are going pretty well. So well, in fact, that I’m sitting here in the middle of class, adding to this Blog every few minutes or so — maybe I can get some sort of Guiness World Records award for “Shortest Blog written over the longest period of time.”

Talk about a 180 degree difference from the kids I have during the regular school-year, though. Regular Ed kids are so easy (sitting quietly, doing work, raising their hand, etc.). We do have a couple of kids from Ozanam here, but once you get them in a regular school setting, they seem to act a lot differently; more civilized (kind of makes one think). Still, I’m thankful for the opportunity to do this. God provides!

Our class is using a program called NovaNet — it’s a computerized credit-recovery program that complies with all state and national educational codes. All of the students are taking different classes ranging from geometry and english to government and health. It’s pretty cool for the most part but, it being a computer program and all, there are still a few bugs that we have to deal with. Mostly, NovaNet teaches the kids without us teachers having to do anything but help them along here and there, but because of the varying subject matter, we’ve always got to be on our toes. Another neat thing is that NovaNet tracks the progress of the students from the amount of time that they sit at the computer to their proficiecy within the lessons and on the tests. The main teacher and I, both from Ozanam, laugh at the lack of stress involved, compared with our usual days during the year.

There’re 18 days left here. Wish me luck.

Informatio: Life
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